The Resurfacing & Healing of Old Patterns.

It is a beautiful thing, how we are often catapulted into a space of deep healing, in the moments when we least expect it.

Since coming back to Europe just over a month ago, I have been confronted with a lot of fragmented pieces of my past pain, especially around my sexual trauma. I have unravelled a lot of patterns and behaviours that have shown up in many of my relationships. Insights have come through around these patterns, that I have only been able to puzzle together in the past weeks.

I sat and meditated in the woods a few days ago, had a little cry, and said a prayer, and suddenly all the pieces fell into place. I was suddenly able to see a subconscious belief that had been playing out in my life. A belief that had resulted in me resorting to self destructive behaviours whenever I felt vulnerable and afraid of getting hurt. This avoidant, self destructive behaviour was rooted so deeply in subconscious that it’s taken me almost four years of self reflection, therapy and meditation to puzzle it together. And then there is was. This thing that had caused me so much pain. So much self judgement. So much shame. Judgement towards myself for acting in ways that felt so out of integrity. I held a lot of shame for falling back into old patterns. For making mistakes.

But the truth is, we all make mistakes.

Sometimes we show up as versions of ourselves that we thought we had left in the past. We act from places of insecurity, of fear. We run when we know staying is where the growth would happen. We push others away when we know that leaning into intimacy is where we cultivate meaning and connection.

And it id okay, because we are only human. We make mistakes. That is how we learn. To me the most beautiful people are not those who strive to be perfect and never make a mistake. It is the people who can acknowledge their mistakes, and take responsibility for their actions. Who use these mistakes as a catalyst to grow, and evolve. That uncover and move through these deeply engrained beliefs and traumas that made them act the way that they did. To me, the most beautiful people are those who try to show up, and do the best that they can, each day. Who commit to learning from their mistakes, and doing just a little bit better next time they are faced with a similar situation.

Image by Hannah Beth (@hannnahbeth)

Cover Image by Mate Studios (@mateatme)

Nobody is perfect.

We all have our flaws. We all act out of integrity sometimes. We make choices we regret. We say things we do not mean. We are faced with parts of ourselves, like anger, jealousy, judgement, or wherever else it may be, that we do not like. That we wish we could hide from the world because we believe they make us less beautiful. 

I invite you to meet those parts of you - that you may not love, that you are afraid of showing others, that scare you a lot - with compassion. Recognise that we all hold imperfections. And that it is how we navigate the space beyond our actions that really matters. It is so beautiful to face your patterns, to acknowledge your wounding and to accept it, and then to work through it with love and softness. Being able to understand why we act the way we do, and cultivate awareness around our actions is always the first step in catalysing change. 

And then move forward, and heal, in love and softness.

The next weeks will hold a lot of time to reflect and transmute these patterns. Hypnotherapy, meditation and journaling are my favourite tools to work through these things when they come up. Sitting in stillness in nature will forever be the deepest space of introspection, and my greatest giver of clarity.

I will be working with a beautiful hypnotherapist to support me in the process of creating change. Because I acknowledge that some things, I cannot do alone. When we are working in the realm of the subconscious, and unravelling deep rooted patterns, it can be very helpful to have support. We can often be unaware of our patterns, and it can be extremely helpful to have someone who is able to be objective and call us out on things we may not be aware of. Equally, we may be faced with behavioural patterns that are deeply programmed into our subconscious. Hypnotherapy has been the most profound tool in my own healing journey, when it comes to reprogramming the subconscious. Our belief systems create our reality. We view the world through the lens of that belief system. Hypnotherapy is a powerful modality that allows us to create new belief systems, and hence change our reality. If you are feeling curious, click here to find out more about hypnotherapy, what is can be used for, and how it works.

Giving ourselves time to rest, reflect and integrate, is essential when we do step into periods of unravelling, of deep self exploration, of transmutation. And it is okay to feel like withdrawing from the world is what you need when you are processing. We all navigate these things in our way, give yourself the permission to process in whatever way feels most supportive to you.

If you have any questions, or anything you would like to share, please reach out via email ! I would love to connect with you. If you are feeling a desire to explore hypnotherapy as a tool for deep transformation and healing, pop me an email and we can chat more about this!

All love

x